According to Rutgers psychologist Daniel Goleman, while these traits are “entry-level requirements for executive positions,” they aren’t definitive markers of leadership excellence. Rather, the most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of emotional intelligence.

The truth is, emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have trait; it’s a must-have. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to manage their own stress and burnout, build workplace relationships, and nurture high-performing teams. 

Yet, it’s a skill that’s often overlooked—especially in traditional business schools, where the focus tends to remain on strategy, finance, and management theories. In this article, we’ll explore the five key components of emotional intelligence and how mastering these can make you a more effective leader.

5 components of emotional intelligence

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the degree to which you are conscious of and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Self-awareness gives you clarity about your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your values and beliefs. This insight helps to guide both your personal growth and professional development.

A self-aware leader also recognises patterns in their responses. For example, do you find yourself becoming overly critical of others when you’re under tight deadlines? Or perhaps you notice a tendency to avoid confrontation when dealing with difficult team dynamics. Identifying these patterns allows you to address unhelpful behaviours with intention rather than simply reacting on autopilot.

Tip: Naming and express your emotions

A simple acknowledgement like, “I feel frustrated right now,” can be a powerful starting point. The more descriptive and specific you are, the better. For example, you might say, “I feel frustrated because my team might miss the deadline.”

Next, ask yourself why you feel the way you do. For example, do you feel frustrated because you worry about being perceived as ineffective? Identifying the root cause of your frustration allows you to shift from simply reacting to taking constructive action, such as presenting a transparent update on your team’s progress, along with a plan for getting back on track.

2. Self-regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your feelings and behaviors in challenging situations. It’s about controlling the emotions and impulses you’ve developed over the years—starting in childhood, shaped through adolescence, and carried into adulthood.

It’s natural to experience strong reactions in stressful moments, but self-regulation creates a buffer between your emotions and your actions. This gives you time to consider responses that can improve relationships and minimise negative social repercussions, rather than being driven by the heat of the moment.

Tip: STOP—a 4-step technique

1. Stop: By simply taking a brief pause, you create a moment of space between the trigger and your reaction. This is essential for shifting from a reactive to a thoughtful response.

2. Take a deep breath: Focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling. This calms the nervous system, reducing the intensity of the emotion and allowing you to regain control over your body’s physical reactions

3. Observe: Observe your thoughts, feelings, and the environment objectively. What’s going through your mind? Are you feeling angry or hurt? What’s going on around you? Doing so without judgement (i.e. “I shouldn’t be angry”) helps you detach from the emotional charge of the situation.

4. Proceed mindfully: Now, with a clearer mind and a calmer body, you can proceed mindfully. Ask yourself, “What is the most productive way to handle this situation?” 

Whether it’s taking a moment to express your feelings calmly, asking for clarification, or simply choosing not to respond at all, this step allows you to act in alignment with your values and goals.

3. Motivation

Being a leader at work often comes with a promotion and pay increase, but while external rewards like recognition and financial incentives can drive performance, they are rarely enough to sustain long-term motivation.

As a leader, it’s crucial to tap into your intrinsic motivations—the internal drivers that fuel you. For instance, you might be motivated by the desire to make a meaningful impact, to support others in their growth, or to contribute to a cause. These intrinsic motivations are more personal and fulfilling than external rewards, and they have a lasting impact on both your performance and overall satisfaction.

Especially during challenging times, intrinsic motivation keeps you grounded in your values and goals. For example, if you’re leading a team through a difficult sustainability project, your intrinsic drive to contribute to a cause you believe in can help you push through setbacks and stay committed to the bigger picture.

Tip: Reflect on what matters to you

Coaching can help you to reflect on your personal values, your sense of purpose, and what excites you about leadership. It involves asking questions like:

• What motivates me to show up and give my best every day?
• What is the bigger purpose behind my work, beyond just meeting deadlines or achieving financial targets?
• How can I set goals that align with my values and keep me focused on the long-term vision?

4. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and appreciate the perspectives of others. It goes beyond simply being kind or sympathetic—it involves truly engaging with your team members, seeing the world through their eyes, and acknowledging their feelings and experiences.

There are three key components of empathy:

• Engaging: This involves actively interacting with your team, especially those from different backgrounds and experiences. Understanding their individual needs, concerns, and motivations leads to more effective collaboration.

• Putting yourself in others’ shoes: By imagining what your team members are experiencing—whether it’s a tight deadline, personal challenges, or workplace frustration—you can respond with more understanding.

• Learning: Empathy also involves paying close attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. These subtle signs help you understand how your team members are feeling, even if they aren’t voicing it directly. 

Tip: Active listening 

One of the most powerful tools for cultivating empathy is active listening. To practise active listening, don’t just listen to respond—listen to understand. Some key techniques include:

• Maintaining eye contact during the conversation to show that you’re fully engaged.
• Asking open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more.
• Paraphrasing what they’ve said to confirm understanding. (e.g. “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with the project deadline. Can you tell me more about what’s contributing to that stress?”)
• Validating their emotions by acknowledging how they feel. (e.g. “I can understand why that would be upsetting. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot.”)

5. Interpersonal skills

Interpersonal skills are our abilities to build and maintain meaningful relationships with others. By improving your interpersonal skills, you can better support your team, inspire commitment, and create psychological safety at work. 

One key aspect of interpersonal skills is positive body language. Non-verbal cues such as smiling, maintaining eye contact, and having an open posture can make you appear more approachable and engaged. For example, crossing your arms may unintentionally signal defensiveness, making it harder for team members to feel comfortable approaching you. 

Another critical component is taking a genuine interest in your team members. Rather than always focusing on your own thoughts or ideas, make an effort to ask questions and learn about the experiences, challenges, and perspectives of your employees. People appreciate managers who show curiosity and truly listen. 

Tip: Perfect small talk

Small talk gets a bad rap, but it’s an indispensable tool for leaders to bridge the power gap and build rapport with their team. Casual conversations can pave the way for deeper discussions and help both parties feel more at ease.

Here are a few tips to help you master small talk with your team:

• Find common ground: Look for shared interests or experiences, such as discussing the event you’re attending.
• Keep it light: Stick to neutral topics like hobbies, movies, or travel—avoid heavy subjects such as politics or religion.
• Know when to wrap up: End the conversation gracefully with something like, “It was great talking to you. Hope we can chat again soon.”

Becoming a leader with emotional intelligence

Becoming an emotionally intelligent leader is an ongoing process, one that requires continuous growth in self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and interpersonal skills. As you refine these qualities, you evolve from simply holding a leadership position to becoming a leader who inspires, connects, and empowers others to achieve success.

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, mastering these conversations with emotional intelligence is essential. When approached thoughtfully, they’re not just about resolving issues—they’re opportunities to strengthen relationships with coworkers.

Here’s a 5-step guide to help you navigate these conversations with confidence and tact.

How to have difficult conversations

1. Identify your emotions

Before diving into a difficult conversation, a simple pause—like taking a deep breath—can create the space you need to gather your thoughts. Ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Be specific: Are you calm, nervous, frustrated, or angry? Tools like James Russell’s mood meter can help you pinpoint your emotions based on their pleasantness and intensity.

Once you’ve identified your emotions, ask yourself:

• Explore their root cause. For instance, if you’re feeling nervous, could it stem from a fear of being misunderstood? If you’re angry, is it because you feel you’ve been treated unfairly?

• Anticipate how you might react if your emotions escalate. This helps you prepare and decide if now is the right time to proceed. If you’re not in the right headspace, it might be better to postpone the discussion.

• Continue checking in with yourself during the conversation. Periodically asking, How am I feeling right now? helps you stay self-aware and assess whether your emotions are influencing your tone, word choice, or non-verbal communication, such as body language and facial expressions.

2. Listen actively 

Active listening is about paying attention, showing genuine interest, and empathising with the other person. Here’s how to practise active listening during a difficult conversation:

• Maintain eye contact: Follow the 50/70 rule by making eye contact 50% of the time when you speak and 70% of the time when you listen. Do so in 4- to 5-second intervals.

• Ask open-ended questions: Rather than questions that elicit only yes or no answers, ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more?” or “How can we best proceed?” to encourage dialogue and deeper understanding. 

• Paraphrase: Restate what you hear in your own words to confirm your understanding. For example, “What I’m hearing is that you’re concerned about meeting the deadline.”

• Validate the emotion: Validation doesn’t mean agreeing—it simply means acknowledging your coworker’s feelings. Statements like, “I can see why you’re worried,” or “It makes sense that you feel upset because of this,” make them feel seen and heard.

3. Express yourself clearly 

Now that it’s your turn to speak, consider how you can express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in an honest, respectful, and constructive way. The SBI—Situation, Behavior, Impact— framework is a structured approach to do just that. 

Situation

Start by describing the context clearly and objectively. Be specific about details such as the time, location, and any relevant background. This sets the stage and ensures both parties are aligned on what you’re referring to.

• Do say: “During yesterday’s client meeting, when I was making my pitch”
• Don’t say: “Every time we have a client meeting…”

Avoid using generalisations like “always” and “never,” as they make your statement vague, emotional, and critical right from the start.

Behaviour

Next, focus on the actions or words you observed from the other person without making assumptions or interpretations. 

• Do say: “You were on your phone the entire time and appeared disengaged.”
• Don’t say: “You were disrespectful.”

Impact

Finally, use “I” statements to explain how their behaviour affected you or others. This focuses on your experience, demonstrates accountability for your reactions, and leaves room for other perspectives.

• Do: “I felt dismissed because I had spent hours preparing for the presentation, and I’m worried that it would undermine our synergy as a team.”
• Don’t: “You made me feel dismissed because you weren’t paying attention. You made us look bad in front of the client.”

In contrast, “You” statements can come across as accusatory, triggering defensiveness and shutting down open dialogue. Avoid phrases like “I feel like you…” too, as these are essentially “You” statements in disguise.

4. Seek solutions 

Next, find a mutually acceptable resolution that addresses the issue while preserving the relationship.

• Explore perspectives: Acknowledge the other person’s point of view without necessarily agreeing. For example, “I understand you may have felt it was urgent to reply to your messages—would you mind sharing what led to that during the pitch?”

• Focus on the problem: Address the behavior, not the person, and work toward shared goals. For instance ,”I’d like to ensure everyone in the team receives the attention they deserve during presentations.”

• Communicate and clarify: Clearly state your expectations and confirm understanding. For example, “In the future, it would be helpful if you stepped out of the room if something urgent comes up. Does that work for you?”

5. Review and reflect 

Once the conversation is over, take time to review and reflect on the experience, ensuring you process both the practical and emotional aspects.

• Acknowledge and appreciate: Recognise the efforts, contributions, and perspectives of the other person. This reinforces mutual respect and strengthens the relationship. (e.g., “I really appreciate you taking the time to discuss this with me. Your openness made it easier for us to find a way forward.”)

• Evaluate the process: Reflect on what worked well for you and what could be improved for future conversations. For example, could you have been more succinct, asked more questions, or chosen another time or place to have such a difficult conversation?

• Assess the outcome: Consider the results and whether both parties are satisfied. Reflect on how the conversation may have impacted your working relationship.

• Manage residual emotions: If you still feel tension, try grounding techniques like the Five Senses exercise, the STOP technique, or visualise a calming place to process any lingering emotions. This helps you reset and avoid carrying unresolved feelings into other interactions.

How Intellect can help 

Navigating difficult conversations with emotional intelligence is a skill that grows with practice, and tools like active listening and the SBI framework can empower you to approach these moments with confidence. 

For more strategies, check out Intellect’s in-app content on topics such as assertiveness and conflict resolution. And if you’ve got coaching credits as part of your EAP, rehearsing a difficult conversation with a professional in a safe space can go a long way too. 

Download Intellect today. 

Other cultures have their own word for this feeling. In Japanese, Natsukashii conveys joy and gratitude for the past. In Chinese, 回味 (Huíwèi) describes savouring memories in the present. Rather than pain, these terms evoke comfort.

Emotions are universal, but language shapes how we express them and connect with others. This influences our relationships, including the bond between a coach or mental health professional and their client. But do individuals see more progress when receiving native language coaching? Intellect decided to find out. 

Is native language coaching more effective?

Methodology

To explore the difference native language coaching makes, Intellect analysed nearly two years worth of data (starting December 2022) from 535 users of coaching, a subset of our larger user base. The sample included 60 users from predominantly English-speaking countries (Australia and New Zealand) and 475 users from the following countries where English is not the primary language:

• United Arab Emirates
• Bangladesh
• Brunei
• China
• Hong Kong
• Indonesia
• India
• Japan
• Cambodia
• South Korea
• Laos
• Malaysia
• Myanmar
• Pakistan
• Philippines
• Singapore
• Thailand
• Taiwan
• Vietnam

Wellbeing outcomes were assessed using the PHQ-4 (Patient Health Questionnaire-4), a screening tool that evaluates symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

Findings

The results revealed a clear trend: native language coaching led to better outcomes across the board. 

In non-English-speaking countries, 39% of users who received native-language coaching saw their PHQ-4 scores improve, compared to 33% of those who coached in English. 

(There’s a possible reason for the small difference in improvement rates: In countries where English isn’t the primary language, some users’ native language might still be English (e.g., an American working in Asia). However, our analysis would have categorised them as English-speaking users from non-English-speaking countries.) 

But here’s the kicker: In English-speaking countries, the effectiveness of native-language coaching is nearly doubled. 60% of users who received native language coaching saw their PHQ-4 scores improve, compared to just 35% of those coached in English. 

This nearly twofold difference challenges the assumption that individuals in English-speaking countries fully adapt to English and have little need for native language coaching. On the contrary, it suggests that these settings are where native-language coaching makes the greatest impact.

Why native-language coaching is more effective

Our findings align with a 2015 study on expatriate coaching, which identified coaching language as a key factor in coaching success, alongside trust and confidentiality.

Participants noted that native language coaching provides several key benefits:

1. Linguistic ease

Even fluent speakers find that communicating in a second language requires extra mental effort. While they may have the vocabulary for everyday or professional conversations, articulating internal experiences can be much more challenging. Native language coaching removes this cognitive burden, allowing clients “a greater freedom of expression”—a view supported by HR representatives who participated in the study. 

2. Being “seen”

Imagine hearing a familiar accent abroad—that is the sense of comfort and familiarity native-language coaching can evoke. The study even referred to native language coaching as a “safe harbour in the midst of challenges of expatriate life.” This sense of psychological safety helps strengthen the therapeutic alliance, a critical factor for achieving successful outcomes.

3. Cultural assumptions

The study also highlighted that coaches fluent in multiple languages are better equipped to navigate different cultural assumptions. For example, a coach from a Chinese-speaking background might have a deeper understanding of 孝顺 (xiàoshùn), the concept of filial piety, and its associated pressures. This cultural awareness allows coaches to validate and address clients’ struggles more effectively. 

Implications for employers

As Nelson Mandela once said, “If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.” But despite the growing focus on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI), it seems many Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs) still fall short in one critical area: language. 

Many EAPs are one-size-fits-all solutions that prioritise scalability over personalisation, offering services only in their main languages and leaving non-native speakers with limited access to meaningful care. The result? EAP utilisation rates hover at a low 3 to 5%, failing to support the very employees who might need it most.

Localise mental health support with Intellect

At Intellect, we believe breaking down language barriers is key to creating truly inclusive mental health support. That’s why we provide hyperlocalised services across 100 countries and 100 languages. This multilingual approach isn’t limited to coaching—it extends to counselling, therapy, and a 24/7 crisis helpline. 

When employees can access care in their preferred language, higher EAP engagement, improved mental health outcomes, and a more inclusive workplace will follow. 

Reach out to us for a demo today. 

When this happens, it’s easy to fall for the myths surrounding procrastination. In this article, Intellect’s clinical psychologist, Nistha Singh, delves into the truth and shares how to stop procrastinating.

Myths about procrastination

1. “I procrastinate because I am lazy.”

For a long time, procrastination and laziness were considered synonymous. Even today, these terms are often confused. While individuals who feel unmotivated may procrastinate from time to time, it is inaccurate to label them as lazy. Why is that? 

Well, procrastination tends to be specific to certain aspects of our lives; you might avoid one task but be very diligent in another. To delay starting on a report, we might choose to tidy our room instead. Conversely, to put off tidying our room, despite it looking like a tornado flew around it, we might choose to bury ourselves in work. In either scenario, we are being productive and it certainly isn’t fair to call ourselves lazy. 

2. “I procrastinate because I am ill-disciplined.”

Often, we respond to this belief by being tougher on ourselves. However, this is as effective as asking to quit smoking by going cold turkey. It fundamentally misunderstands the problem and, like shouting into the wind, is often futile. While discipline can aid in our fight against procrastination, it alone is not the be all and end all.

Consider an individual who is used to taking smoke breaks with his colleagues in the middle of a work day. Although his New Year’s resolution to quit smoking may initially prevail, he eventually caves when he considers the social interactions he’s missing out on, or when the craving becomes overwhelming on a particularly stressful afternoon. Our habits and environment are often more powerful than sheer will, and they usually win.

3. “I procrastinate because I can’t prioritise.”

How often do we catch ourselves or others saying that prioritisation is the answer to procrastination? If I start managing my time more effectively, surely I can stay on top of my deadlines. Yet, making plans without executing them can become another form of procrastination. Organising our schedule keeps us busy, but we’re not being productive. 

Even if we prioritise well, we may still procrastinate. Paradoxically, prioritisation can sometimes fuel procrastination. When we designate a goal as our top priority, we sometimes feel so anxious or afraid of failing that we do not attempt at all. For example, we might want to get back into shape, but we avoid the gym because we’re hesitant to face our current fitness level and the amount of effort needed to improve.

In the scenarios above, it is tempting to mistake procrastination for laziness, a lack of discipline, or even poor prioritisation. However, in reality, it is driven by:

• Neuroscientific factors: Our brain is wired to seek instant rewards. When your limbic system, (the “pleasure centre”) takes over, your prefrontal cortex (the “planning centre”) may be uncooperative, making it difficult to integrate information and make decisions.
  
• Personality factors: An individual who is impulsive may jump into things (e.g. splashing out on a gym membership) but struggle to stick with long-term projects (e.g. exercising thrice a week).
  
• Motivation factors: Procrastination may also indicate a lack of genuine interest. When our goals are driven by the expectations of others, rather than our own desires, we are not intrinsically motivated to meet them.
  
• Cognitive factors: Confronting our imperfections and the challenges that await can be daunting. If you’ve just landed a big project, the fear and anxiety of messing it up can stop you from starting altogether.
  
• Behavioural factors: Ingrained habits, however unhealthy, can be powerful. When an individual is so used to reaching for a cigarette whenever they feel stressed, substituting smoking with a healthier habit overnight can be difficult. (Read about the science of habit formation here.)
  

What is discomfort avoidance?

At the heart of procrastination lies the desire to avoid discomfort. Whether it’s boredom, fear, anxiety, or other unpleasant emotions, we procrastinate to escape the unpleasant emotions associated with a task. Instead, we cling onto what is comfortable despite knowing it does not serve us in the long run.

These behaviours, when repeated, are self-reinforcing because avoidance deprives us of the exposure needed to learn that the discomfort may not be as bad as we think. In other words, it robs us of opportunities for personal growth. 

Let’s say you want to get fit, but you procrastinate about hitting the gym as you’re new and worried about appearing like an amateur. When you imagine struggling with the equipment, you think “that’s too difficult” and focus on avoiding the unpleasant emotion that is embarrassment.  The more you avoid it, the stronger is your belief that you “don’t belong.” 

But if you did go, you may discover that the equipment is more user-friendly than you think. And if it isn’t, maybe you’d find the courage in you to ask for help, and feel pleasantly surprised by how willing others are to lend a hand. In this case, you not only complete the task (i.e. exercising); you also walk away with a different view of yourself and others.

How to stop procrastinating

1. Start small

Suppose you haven’t been working out, of course your brain will protest against your joining a marathon. Instead, start with simple tasks that are low in difficulty. After you do these for some time, slowly ramp up the difficulty and increase the duration of the activity.  

If going on walks is comfortable for now, start there. If walking is easy, go for a hike or jog for a mile or two. If running five kilometres isn’t that hard, go for six. No matter where you are, you can challenge yourself. The trick here is to introduce discomfort in small doses so your brain can get used to it.

2. Find your “productivity combos”

Often, we are made to choose between what feels like work and what is fun. But why can’t we have the best of both worlds? Take it from the gym-goers who run on a treadmill while watching a drama series on their phone—or what we call a “productivity combo.” By pairing comfort with discomfort, we can “trick” our brains into checking tasks off and even entering what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as a state of “flow”. 

Here are some examples:

• Cycling while listening to a podcast 
• Doing household chores while watching a movie 
• Designing a deck while listening to a new album by your favourite artiste 

Avoid pairing activities that require the same cognitive resources. For example, writing a report while watching a webinar may not be effective. Instead, pair activities that engage different parts of the brain, such as listening to audio while doing visual or manual work.

3. Focus on the goal, not the discomfort

Say, you’re preparing for a presentation, and you can’t stop thinking about how nervous you are and visualising yourself messing up. Rather than fixating on these thoughts and imagery, try shifting your focus to your purpose. That is, why you are making the presentation in the first place. 

Maybe you’re doing it to share your expertise with junior team members who are eager to learn, or you’re getting your managers’ buy-in for a cause you’re deeply passionate about. Keeping your eye on your goal doesn’t make your feelings of anxiety disappear, but it might keep them from running the show. The discomfort is still there, but it’s no longer in the driver’s seat. 

4. Connect your goal with your values

Now, it can be hard to feel motivated when you don’t have a personal reason to do so. If you are doing the presentation only because you “have to,” you might view it as a chore. Yet, the reality is that many tasks at work need to be done whether we see value in them or not. In such instances, it helps to look within ourselves for a compelling reason to complete, rather than procrastinate, on the task. 

Imagine that you’ve been putting off processing your staff’s expense claims. Yes, it is boring. And yes, your goal is to simply verify and approve (or reject) them. To get this administrative task over and done with, you might remind yourself of its importance. Maybe you pride yourself on being a caring manager, and your prompt action can alleviate your team members’ stress ever so slightly. Keeping your values in mind, you’ll have an easier time pushing through. 

5. Reflect on what you’re avoiding 

You probably have a list of the tasks you’ve been avoiding. Do they have anything in common?  When we dig deep into the discomfort we’re trying so badly to avoid, we might start to see patterns. 

• “I’m not trying new activities because I don’t want to be bad at them initially.” – avoiding the discomfort of being a beginner, rather than enjoying new experiences and learning new skills.

• “I’m not applying for this promotion because I may not get it” – avoiding the discomfort associated with uncertainty and failure, rather than taking action to advance my career. 

• “I’m not addressing my friend’s hurtful behaviour because I don’t want to create conflict.” – avoiding the discomfort of confrontation, rather than addressing issues that could strengthen the relationship.

When we identify these common themes, we can treat our discomfort at its root, rather than merely treating the symptom of procrastination, by working with a mental health professional.

How Intellect can help

1. Coaching

Intellect’s coaches can help you structure your goals in a non-intimidating manner, develop strategies backed by behavioural science, and hold you accountable in ways that suit you.

If you’re struggling with procrastination, our coach may introduce the Eisenhower Matrix, a time management system that helps you prioritise tasks by urgency and importance. Tasks are categorised as either urgent, important, both, or neither. Depending on their status, you may choose to do it now, schedule a time to do it, delegate it, or do away with it altogether.

2. Counselling

Through counselling, you can gain deeper insight into your avoidance behaviours. For instance, you might discover that your discomfort with uncertainty and failure stems from harsh parenting in childhood, allowing you to address those underlying issues effectively.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you identify core beliefs (e.g., “I always mess things up”) and assumptions (e.g., “If I make a mistake, it will be a disaster”) that were cemented in childhood and understand how they fuel procrastination today. 

Meanwhile, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can offer coping strategies for managing discomfort. Visualisation, for example, involves imagining unhelpful thoughts as bubbles floating in the air and watching them drift away.

3. Clinical Psychologists

Procrastination is sometimes linked to specific mental health conditions. For example, individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may struggle to sustain their attention as a result of impaired executive function. Those experiencing depression may lack energy and motivation and feel a sense of hopelessness. This impacts their functioning and leads to procrastination which, in turn, reinforces feelings of guilt and shame and perpetuates the depressive cycle.

If you suspect that there is more than meets the eye to your procrastination behaviours, Intellect’s clinical psychologists can help. Our team is not only equipped to conduct comprehensive assessments and diagnose mental health conditions; they are also trained to deliver psychotherapy to help you cope.

When necessary, Intellect’s clinical psychologists can refer clients to psychiatrists, ensuring a comprehensive approach to treatment that combines psychological therapies with medical support.

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that helps them unlock previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity, and leadership. But what makes an ICF-accredited coach the right person for the job?

(Not sure if you need a coach, counsellor, or psychotherapist? Read this.)

What makes ICF-accredited coaches qualified?

When visiting a dentist or a doctor, we want to know that we are in good hands. We trust they have the required training and education. The same is true whether you seek an accountant, a lawyer, or a psychologist. 

In the coaching industry, however, anyone can claim to be a coach. But rest assured that there are credentialing bodies, such as the ICF, that set stringent standards for education, training, and ethics for practising. 

Having been in existence for over 27 years, the ICF awards credentials only after prospective coaches have met their requirements for education and training, and demonstrated a thorough understanding of ICF Core Competencies. 

1. Education

To begin with, this means that the coach must receive their education through academic programmes accredited by the ICF. These programmes go through a meticulous review process to make sure that their curriculum meets ICF’s standards.

In addition, these institutions are themselves held to standards of ethics, integrity, and transparency about the education they offer and how it is structured. (For example, they must state exactly how many hours the student spends in live lectures, self-study materials, and online learning.)

You might be wondering: Do all coaches receive the same training? The short answer to that is no. The various institutions accredited by the ICF can, of course, have various curriculums and disciplines in addition to meeting ICF requirements. Consequently, their students’—your coaches—may practise various approaches (e.g. cognitive-behavioural) and theories (e.g. adult development) they resonate with.

2. Experience

Similar to how counselling undergraduates must fulfil at least 100 hours of practice before earning a Master of Counselling, coaches are held to comparable standards. The ICF accreditation assures you that your coach has completed the required hours of not merely learning but also practising with a diverse clientele. Coaches can choose to apply for the following designations after meeting the corresponding eligibility criteria. 

ACC (Associate Certified Coach)

• Demonstrate fundamental knowledge of ICF Core Competencies, Code of Ethics. 
• 60+ hours of coaching education 
• 100+ hours of coaching experience
• 10 hours of mentor coaching with an eligible mentor coach. 
• Successful completion and passing score in performance evaluation
• Passing score on ICF Credentialing Exam.

PCC (Professional Certified Coach) 

• 125 hours of coaching education 
• 500+ hours coaching experience
• 10 hours of mentor coaching with an eligible mentor coach.
• Successful completion and passing score in performance evaluation
• Passing score on ICF Credentialing Exam.

MCC (Master Certified Coach)

• 200+ hours of coaching education 
• 2, 500+ hours of coaching experience
• Previous PCC Credential  
• 10 hours of mentor coaching with an eligible mentor coach.
• Successful completion and passing score in performance evaluation
• Passing score on ICF Credentialing Exam.

Note: Each of these require continuing education hours that a coach must complete in allotted time. The continuing education must also be accredited by the ICF. 

What can coaching do for me?

You may be thinking, that’s all well and good, but what makes a coach a better confidant than your family member, close friend, or mentor at work? 

1. A coach provides neutrality.

While our support system may be perfectly solid, there are times where we cannot, and do not want to, turn to our loved ones. 

You might be contemplating a job opportunity that involves relocating to another country, but you’re not quite ready to discuss it with your spouse. Sharing deeply personal matters, such as marital issues, with a mutual friend might colour their interactions with your spouse. In professional settings, approaching your manager about a colleague who undermines you could risk appearing petty. (Read more about how coaching can preserve boundaries within an organisation here.)

In such circumstances, an ICF-accredited coach offers an unbiased perspective. More often than not, they do not know the people in your life, and your decisions do not impact them personally. This neutrality allows them to serve as a sounding board, helping you explore your thoughts and feelings without fear of unintended consequences.

2. A coach offers a safe space.

When was the last time that you talked about a problem and someone really listened without interrupting, waiting for their turn to speak, or glancing at their phone? 

In such situations, not only do we often feel unheard, but we also hold ourselves back for fear that we might be boring others with our problems. While no one is perfect, and we ourselves may occasionally falter as listeners, a coach is trained to remain client-centred, focusing solely on your needs throughout the entire 30- to 60-minute session. 

This undivided attention can be incredibly powerful. When a coach listens deeply to you, they may keenly notice the lowering of your eyes, folding of your arms, changes in how fast or slow you speak, and other gestures that signal your internal state. This is a skill that ICF-accredited coaches must demonstrate according to the ICF Core Competency of Communicating Effectively – Listens Actively, especially those from institutions that incorporate mindfulness in their coursework.

When a coach can accurately interpret and validate your emotions, they create a judgement-free zone to explore your concerns more authentically and process unpleasant feelings that may come up. 

3. A coach builds self-awareness.

At times, our confidants may be eager to offer advice. When most advice is well-meaning, unsolicited ones imply, “you don’t know enough” and “you can’t figure this out on your own.” Subconsciously, these messages can provoke resistance by positioning the advice giver as the expert. And even if we think we want it, advice from others may not lead to long-term solutions, because it doesn’t engage our creative thinking.

In contrast, coaching is not about “fixing” you, as coaches don’t see you as broken. Rather than offering solutions, a coach increases your awareness and shifts how you perceive yourself and the world. This is all done in recognition that you, like your circumstances, are unique. What worked for others may not necessarily work for you. 

Beyond listening actively and providing emotional support, an ICF-accredited coach also facilitates deeper thinking by challenging our beliefs in a nurturing manner. Powerful questioning is a foundational element in ICF Core Competencies such as Listening Actively, Evoking Awareness, and Facilitating Client Growth. 

Example

A client told me how close she is to her friends, rating her friendships as a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 and emphasising their importance to her. Moments later, she mentioned having no one to talk to about her stress. Knowing that our coaching relationship is a safe space for her, I reflected this discrepancy back to her. This prompted her to pause and gain insight into her friendships for the first time. 

Although relationships are inherently complex, reviewing our perceptions and assumptions about them —as my client did—can draw attention to beliefs (e.g. “I am a burden to others.”) and behaviours (e.g. not reaching out when we need to) that either support or hinder us.

What problems can a coach help me with?

Coaches help you address your current situation by changing your mindset and habits, all while keeping an eye on your future goals. It can be beneficial in any area where you feel stuck and desire growth in, such as:

• Career: If you struggle with meeting deadlines at work, a coach can work with you to manage procrastination behaviours.
  
• Relationships: If you want to communicate with your partner more skillfully, a coach can help you develop conflict resolution techniques.
  
• Physical health: If you wish to build healthier sleep habits or get back into an exercise routine, a coach can help you set and achieve incremental goals.
  
• Mental health: If you’re dealing with an inner critic. a coach can collaborate with you to address self-doubt, starting with self-compassion exercises.

When you decide to work with a coach, you retain complete control over setting your own goals. Our role is to help you structure these goals in a non-intimidating way while exploring ways in which you would like to be held accountable. 

Now that you understand the training and expertise coaches bring, imagine how your life could transform with the support of a professional, compassionate, and non-judgmental coach. What new possibilities could unfold? I encourage you to explore and find out.

“Women should be nurturing” 

In society, women are often portrayed as nurturing, caring, and empathetic figures. Unsurprisingly, they’re expected to provide emotional support in both personal and professional realms. Alexa*, a project manager who works in tech, is no exception. 

Over the last five years, Alexa has established strong relationships with her team and clients. People have nothing but positive things to say about Alexa and her work, but she isn’t always happy about the compliments she receives. 

One day, she stormed into our session and blurted out,

“My coworker complimented me for my ‘people skills’ and being ‘approachable’. Jeez! Can you believe her?

I mean, I oversee and manage multi-million-dollar projects and collaborate with the biggest clients in our field. And at the end of the day, I’m recognised for ‘being approachable’?” 

Alexa was frustrated that she has been her coworkers’ “go-to” person, not just for professional matters but also personal ones. This isn’t only time-consuming, but it is also mentally draining. 

“Don’t get me wrong.” Alexa clarified, “I do appreciate their vulnerability and openness. I feel flattered that my team trusts me enough to share their emotions and personal struggles with me. But there are just days when I simply don’t feel like being a caring mother to everyone.” 

This fatigue isn’t unique to Alexa. In my line of work, I’ve met several female professionals who appreciate their coworkers’ sharing, but feel bogged down by the weight of being a “caretaker” of sorts.

This internal conflict speaks volumes about the deeper issue that is gender biases at work. When society expects women to nurture and pegs them to certain responsibilities, they may miss out on developing more “assertive” competencies such as negotiation, decision-making, technical, and even leadership skills. 

“Men should be stoic” 

Women are not the only victims of gender biases at work. Men, too, face their fair share of stereotypes. If it’s not uncommon for boys to be praised for being strong, is there any wonder why men are commended for stoicism? 

David*, who came to see me due to his declining work performance, entered my office with a straight face. He said, 

“I’m here to gain skills to solve this whole mess and get back on my feet ASAP.” 

His voice was void of emotion, and his request sounded like an order. Sensing the emotional distance, I probed deeper, and pieces of the puzzle started coming together as he opened up. 

As it turned out, David was among the best-performing salesmen in a marketing firm, but it all started to change when his wife asked for a divorce out of the blue. The ongoing custody battle and the prospect of losing his two young children occupied much of his mind. Since he couldn’t focus at work, sales quotas weren’t met and the pile of unread emails from unhappy clients was growing.

His manager was genuinely concerned and asked if he was doing okay and if he needed help or a temporary break from work. Noticing his withdrawal from social activities, his friends reached out too. However, David declined every offer of support, choosing to keep his anguish to himself. 

Months later, after numerous missed targets and complaints from clients, David was finally taken off big projects and placed on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). Apparently, his manager’s patience was consumed by David’s avoidance and the company could no longer ignore his underperformance.

David: “So here I am. I agreed to work with a coach as a part of the improvement plan. So, what do we do?”

Me: “David, it sounds like you’ve had a really tough time.” 

David: “Yeah yeah, just life stuff. I just need to get back on my feet again.”

Me: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that people have been trying to offer help and get you back on your feet. What’s holding you back?

David: “My old man raised four kids on three different jobs. He worked 14 hours every day for 7 days a week, and we never saw him complaining even once. It was all ‘Nobody likes wussies! Keep your whines to yourself and fight like a man!’”

I inhaled heavily at his words and leaned back into my chair. The stoic approach instilled in David as a child came with a price in adulthood. 

As I sat on his father’s words, I thought, perhaps David doesn’t realise that the workplace isn’t a solitary battleground. It’s a space for teamwork and collaboration, and employees don’t necessarily have to take on challenges with a fighter’s mentality. As Brene Brown said in her book, “The Power of Vulnerability”, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but courage. 

Overcoming gender biases at work 

As you reflect on Alexa and David’s stories, you might wonder how employers and employees can help. I’d like to introduce practical steps based on Clara E. Hill’s 3-stage model in changemaking: Exploration, Insight, and Action.

Stage 1: Exploration

Conversations about gender biases at work can be initiated on an organisational level (e.g. town hall meetings), making employees aware of how they manifest at work. These may include:

• Emotional labour
• Emotional suppression
• Unequal distribution of roles and responsibilities
• Differing areas of focus in evaluation

Rather than calling for correction, rules, or policies, employers will do well to frame these discussions as an opportunity for growth and connections. After all, people are more interested in learning than being told they’re wrong.

Or, you could take a less formal approach. For example, there are tons of events and exhibitions on gender biases in New York, and I’ve seen companies sponsoring employees who wish to attend them.

Stage 2: Insight

After employees acknowledge gender biases at work, it’s time to recognise their impact on employee wellbeing. ERGs (Employee Resource Groups) and book clubs are a good start, empowering individuals to share their lived experiences and develop insights. 

But while grassroots-driven initiatives can lead to personal exchanges, you may also want to involve the DEI taskforce for better structure and more comprehensive support. They could, for example, look into learning and development and improve access to resources.

Everyone can benefit from these sessions, but I’ll stress that they are most helpful for company leaders. After all, they have the power and responsibility to address DEI on a higher level by reviewing the workplace culture and policies. 

Stage 3: Action

Employers can send their workforces for DEI training and enhance their EAP (Employee Assistance Program) offerings, but individuals also play a crucial role in shaping the company dynamics through everyday interactions. 

You may start identifying unhelpful behaviours driven by gender biases at work. How did you respond to a male coworker who wants to quit his job to be a full-time dad? Is that “motherly figure” on your team on the brink of burnout? (If the answer to the second question is yes, it may be time to spark new behaviours, like referring team members to a trained professional instead of venting to her.)

When you notice unhelpful behaviours on someone else’s part, bring them to their awareness gently. My recommendation? Always, always, always start with curiosity and separate their actions (what they said or did) from their identities (who they are). When giving feedback, you can ask open-ended questions about their perspectives and share – not impose – alternative views of yours.

Ultimately, breaking free from gender bias at work requires a collaborative effort between employers and employees, leading to organisations that embrace true diversity, equity, and inclusion. 

In fact, so prevalent is this struggle that Intellect has launched a webinar on finding one’s purpose in life for employees of our partner organisations, bringing their workforces a step closer to self-actualisation. Below is a summary of what it covers. 

Haven’t found your life purpose? You aren’t alone.

A life purpose is a sense of meaning or direction that guides a person’s life. Akin to a lighthouse, it gives us clarity of where we are headed. More importantly, it gives us a reason to persevere in a given direction. 

According to Thais De Pietro Fas, a behavioural health coach and counsellor at Intellect, our life purpose can change with the seasons of our lives. As we reach significant milestones like graduation, work anniversaries, or parenthood, reevaluating our priorities helps us to find fulfilment across life stages.

You might be wondering how purpose differs from goals. Think of it this way: While our life purpose revolves around the impact we wish to create, life goals are specific outcomes we intend to achieve within a particular time. Life goals are the building blocks that help us reach our life purpose – they are the “how” to our “why.” 

A powerful life purpose statement serves as a reminder for how we might live. “If we are connected to something meaningful [to] us… it brings self-awareness,” shares Thais. When our actions are aligned with our values and beliefs, we get to be our authentic selves. Yet, only 25% of American adults report having a clear sense of purpose (Health, 2019). 

For some, the fear of failure can lead to inaction. Afraid that they may never fulfil their purpose, they don’t ever begin finding one. For others, their ideas of success may not align with what is expected of them. Over time, their purpose gets snuffed out by external pressure. 

How to find your life purpose

Q1: What are your values and beliefs?

Introspection about one’s life purpose is mainly centered on contribution, service, and impact. When we contemplate who we want to be relative to the world around us, we discover the core values that will inform our choices from here on out.

Journal Prompts:

• What in life is truly important to you? 
• What accomplishments do you think need to occur so that you will consider your life to have been satisfying and well-lived? 
• What do you consider your role to be in your local community/country/world? 

Your values may look different from those of others, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. For example, if you value family above all things, you may not jump at a relocation opportunity the same way a coworker who values new experiences. Neither of your values is objectively better; they’re just different.

Q2: What are your passions and interests?

Reflecting on what energises us can help us discover our passions and interests. The Energy Engagement Map is a systematic way of doing just that, encouraging us to be more mindful of how we spend our day-to-day lives. 

Crucial to this step is connecting these activities with the values we identified previously. If you value family, gatherings over the festive season may recharge you more than alone time would. And if you value health and wellbeing, making time to exercise after work may be a no-brainer.

Thais points out that it’s possible to not find any passions – and that’s an insight just as powerful. If you realise that you’ve been spending most of your time on “autopilot”, doing things for the sake of checking items off a to-do list, don’t panic. It may simply mean that you haven’t been prioritising your needs and wants of late, offering an opportunity to reevaluate and recalibrate.

Q3: What are your strengths and talents? 

What comes effortlessly to you but proves challenging for others? Many self-improvement books address what we perceive to be limitations, but our merits deserve just as much attention. 

For a start, gathering feedback from trusted people like family, friends, and colleagues can help us spot qualities to be leveraged. Our brains often zoom in on the negativities, so sometimes, hearing about how good we are at something can be difficult or even uncomfortable.

But, Thais reminds us to be open and to welcome positive feedback as well, especially if it comes from people we trust. Importantly, appraisal across social circles paint a more accurate picture of our strengths; an individual may be organised at work but not at home. By checking our blind spots, we can come up with strategies to make these strengths transferable across different contexts in life.

With that said, our strengths can also turn out to be weaknesses. For instance, you may pride yourself on your perseverance. But taken to an extreme, your persistence may lead to inflexibility. Being aware of our strong suits and conscious of how we use them is key to finding a healthy balance. 

How to fulfill your purpose in life

So the puzzle pieces of your life’s purpose are coming together. Now what? When translating awareness into action, you may encounter a great deal of resistance. After all, change can be scary.

1. Seek inspiration

Having role models to look up to gives us ready access to motivation. But rather than replicating their personality and life paths, we must internalise the values we share with the people we admire to make them work for our own contexts.

Additionally, our media diet also provides insight on what matters to us. What is a common theme across your favourite music, books, and films? More than mere pastimes, they contain important messages that speak to us.

2. Experiment

Trying new things allows us to change how we see ourselves and the world, and it is in taking action that we arrive at new insights on how we want to live. For example, if you’re considering a career in social service, volunteering during the weekends might give you a glimpse of what it has to offer. Additionally, Thais suggested that adopting a mindset of learning about yourself can help push the needle and prompt you to take action.

3. Find support

“To share our vision is so powerful,” Thais said. According to her, our life’s purpose becomes even more empowering when we share it with our loved ones. Our family, friends, and support networks are not merely sources of motivation as we go about our exploration; they can also help hold us accountable. 

Alternatively, you may consider seeking out a coach in your community. Perhaps fulfilling your life’s purpose necessitates a mid-career switch, which is too risky for your liking in this economic climate. Or maybe you worry that your loved ones will not be supportive. A coach can help you navigate these fears and anxieties and take baby steps towards fulfilling your life purpose while remaining prudent. 

How Intellect can help

With the journaling prompts and Learning Paths on Intellect’s app, you can become more mindful about your thoughts, behaviours, and emotions. Self-awareness is the first step to answering the three big questions.

You don’t have to go on this discernment journey alone, though. Partnering with a coach gives you ready access to a safe, non-judgmental space, guiding you towards insights, mindsets, and actions that propel you closer to your life’s purpose. 

Start your journey with Intellect today.

The highly impactful Gottman Method is the result of decades of comprehensive research involving thousands of couples. It is grounded in the belief that understanding a couple’s interactions can significantly enhance communication, conflict resolution, and overall satisfaction in the relationship.

Importantly, the Gottman Method is not confined to romantic relationships; it is applicable to various dynamics. In this article, we will delve into the five techniques for maintaining harmony.

1. Foster positive sentiment override

Ever heard the saying, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”? The practice of fostering positive sentiment override, which simply means giving your loved one the benefit of the doubt, exemplifies this.

Interpreting ambiguous statements or actions in a positive light is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. It contributes to the emotional bank account of the relationship, creating a reservoir of goodwill for you to draw from during relationship conflicts.

What this sounds like:

Self-assessment: What is your initial reaction to someone’s words or actions? Is it positive, negative, or neutral?

Exercise: Reflect on a situation where you may have interpreted your partner’s words or actions negatively. Consider alternative explanations and consciously reframe the situation in a positive way.

2. Respond to bids for connection

According to the Gottman Method, bids are the subtle or explicit ways we reach out to one another for affection, attention, and emotional connection. These can take various forms:

Acknowledging and responding to the other party’s bids for connection shows that you are willing to be present for them and that you are attuned to their needs and emotions. A relationship is a two-way street, and active engagement from both parties strengthens emotional intimacy, trust, and communication skills.

What this sounds like:

Self assessment: How do you react when a friend makes a small, seemingly boring remark?

Exercise: Practise recognising and responding positively to the other party’s bids for connections.

3. Understand and respect differences 

Whether you’re a believer that “opposites attract” or that “birds of a feather flock together,” we can all agree that humans are unique, and no two relationship dynamics are the same.

While similarities can be comforting and affirming, differences are equally valuable in helping both parties broaden their worldview and grow together.

Self-assessment: If you’re told that you’re very similar to a partner, colleague, or friend, would you take it as a compliment?

Exercise: List three qualities that differ between you and the other party and discuss how they can be complementary.

4. Avoid stonewalling

When someone “shuts down,” what they’re really doing is stonewalling. During relationship conflicts, this harmful pattern of communication is linked to negative outcomes, according to extensive research conducted by the Gottman Institute.

Stonewalling is a defence mechanism people use when they feel overwhelmed or threatened by an emotional overload. They may disengage from the conversation to avoid relationship conflicts, protect themselves from perceived harm, and self-soothe. However, this comes at the cost of effective communication and understanding, leaving the other party feeling unheard and frustrated.

Self-assessment: In a difficult conversation, do you physically distance yourself or resort to the silent treatment because you feel numb?

Exercise: Set up a “codeword” that indicates a need for a break without completely disengaging. Practise using this in low-stakes conversations.

5. Take breaks when needed 

“Don’t go to bed angry” is only semi-good advice. Yes, it makes sense to resolve relationship conflicts before bedtime so tension isn’t carried over to the next day. However, Gottman’s research underscores the importance of taking breaks during conflicts, addressing the concept of “physiological flooding.”

Physiological flooding is the state of intense emotional arousal where our body’s physiological responses are heightened, making it challenging to think rationally, communicate effectively, or engage in a constructive conversation. By stepping away from the situation and allowing our physiological responses to return to baseline, we can re-engage with a clearer mind.

Self-assessment: During a conflict, do you experience a rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, or muscle tension?

Exercise: Set up a “codeword” that indicates a need for a break without escalating a conflict. Practise using this in low-stakes conversations.

Resolving relationship conflicts with Intellect

The principles of the Gottman Method keep personal and professional relationships going strong, and if you ever need a hand, Intellect’s coaches, counsellors, and therapists have a wealth of expertise to offer.

Perhaps differing attitudes about money are causing strife in your marriage, or maybe you’re figuring out how to set boundaries with your work friends after a disagreement. Intellect’s mental health professionals can tailor strategies to the unique dynamics of your relationships and help you put them into practice, enabling you to live a more connected and fulfilling life.

Previously, our executive coach offered tips on how employees can prepare for performance reviews. In this guide by Intellect’s Clinical Engagement Expert, Li Yuan, we’ll look at five difficult conversations that might come up and how you can handle them professionally and genuinely.

Scenario 1: Disagreeing on ratings

Situation: You’ve noticed a difference between your self-assessment and your manager’s evaluation, and it’s left you feeling a mix of embarrassment and frustration. How can you bring up your concerns about the rating without coming across as argumentative?

Recommendation: Honesty is the best policy only when delivered in an open, constructive, and diplomatic tone. Begin by expressing appreciation for the feedback, recognising your manager’s perspective, and showing a true willingness to understand their point of view.

You might say:

“Thank you for sharing your feedback on my performance. After reviewing your evaluation carefully, I’ve identified a few disparities compared to my self-assessment.

I would appreciate the opportunity to have a more in-depth discussion about these points to better understand your perspective and align my goals more closely with the team’s expectations.

Could we schedule a meeting to explore that?“

Rationale: This approach shows your dedication to improvement and steers clear of a confrontational tone. Before the meeting, it’s beneficial to collaborate on the agenda and crystallise your thoughts on each item. This helps both parties to expect the topics that will be covered during the meeting.

Scenario 2: Sharing your challenges

Situation: With the downsizing of your department this year, you lacked the support needed to perform your job effectively. Despite this challenge, your manager advises you to improve next year. Feeling misunderstood, you want to provide justification but are hesitant to appear as though you’re making excuses.

Recommendation: First things first, there is a difference between getting defensive and giving your manager additional context to work with. If anything, communicating transparently about the obstacles you have faced, are facing, and expect to face allows them to check their blind spots and set you up for success.

You might say:

“Thank you for your feedback, and I am totally on board with stepping up my game next year.

On that note, the downsizing in our department has made it a bit tough with resources and support. I’m actively looking for ways to work around these limitations, and I’d really appreciate any guidance on navigating them better.

My goal is to contribute meaningfully to the team’s success, so I’m open to any insights you may have on how I can achieve that in the current circumstances.” 

Rationale: Again, this shows your dedication to improvement, placing both parties on the same page from the get go, while subtly conveying your difficulties as roadblocks in the way of your common goal.

Scenario 3: Differing expectations of job scope

Situation: As a result of organisational restructuring, your roles and responsibilities have shifted from what you initially signed up for. You wish to discuss this, but you’re concerned about coming across as unadaptable. 

Recommendation: What you do day in and out shapes your professional growth, making it crucial to address this issue no matter how uncomfortable it may seem. In this discussion, you will do well to share your concerns while highlighting your willingness to embrace change where it is aligned with your career goals.

You might say:

“I’ve noticed a shift in my roles and responsibilities since the restructuring and I want to ensure that I fully understand and am aligned with what is expected of me.

I am open to taking on new challenges, but I would appreciate more clarity on how these adjustments contribute to the big-picture objectives. This will help me to sync my efforts up with the team’s goals.

I would deeply appreciate the opportunity for us to discuss these changes in detail as I am eager to make this transition as smooth as possible.”

Rationale: In this situation, you’re showing that you remain dedicated to the department’s collective success while striving to understand what is expected of you as an individual. This doesn’t paint you as incompetent; rather, you’re being proactive about maintaining effectiveness even in face of change.

Scenario 4. Negotiating for recognition and rewards

Situation: You’ve successfully closed one of the company’s most significant deals this year and believe that your contribution warrants a year-end bonus. You aim to communicate this to your manager without appearing entitled.

Recommendation: Before bringing up the subject, take a moment to reflect on the reasonableness of your request. (For example, if the company is in the red, your chances of success might be lower.) Then, when you initiate the conversation, ensure it is framed in a way that emphasises your contributions and the value you’ve added to the organisation.

You might say:

“I’m genuinely proud of the results we achieved with the recent deal, and I’m enthusiastic about the positive impact it has and will bring to the company.

I was hoping we could discuss the possibility of an adjustment to my year-end bonus to reflect the outcomes we’ve accomplished together. I value the opportunities here and am eager to grow alongside the company while continuing to deliver impactful results for the team.”

Rationale: This demonstrates your gratitude for the opportunity and acknowledges that your achievement was not solitary. Maintaining humility can go a long way in making a case for a reward that reflects your contribution to the company’s success. 

Scenario 5: Giving feedback on communication style

Situation: You perceive your manager’s feedback style as aggressive, and wish to express that it’s not conducive to your learning. However, you’re concerned that it might make them feel defensive and be counterproductive to the appraisal.

Recommendation: Giving your manager feedback demands tact and diplomacy. To sidestep finger-pointing and steer clear of the blame game, consider emphasising your own learning preferences rather than critiquing their communication style.

You might say:

“I appreciate your insights and am eager to take actionable steps to improve based on them.

I’ve observed that I absorb feedback more effectively in a slightly different style – one that is more collaborative. I want to ensure I’m extracting the most value from your guidance, and it would be immensely helpful for my learning if we could explore a more constructive approach together.”

Rationale: This way, you’re conveying your need for conducive learning environment and inviting your manager to collaborate with you. Concluding your request with a question fosters open dialogue and prevents the other party from feeling cornered.

How Intellect can help 

The ability to navigate difficult conversations ultimately hinges on one’s assertiveness skills. However, these may not be an inherent strength in the context of many work cultures. But this is where the merits of coaching shine.

During appraisal season, coaching helps managers to deliver negative feedback effectively and assists employees in expressing their needs with greater confidence. Communication is authentic yet respectful, and issues are neither swept under the rug nor escalated into confrontations.

In the long run, this fosters effective communication, improves relationships, and promotes personal and professional growth for both managers and employees.

Learn more about Intellect coaching here.

It is only natural for executives to be concerned when their companies encounter negative Glassdoor reviews. When my client, Brian*, stumbled upon a few negative Glassdoor reviews on his company’s page, he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by emotions.

“I feel so wronged. They don’t see the full picture,” he said, and I could sense the frustration in Brian’s voice.

Brian founded his company approximately three years ago. After the initial glamour, the company began to face challenges as it entered its third year. When a recession hit, they had to restructure their teams and revise their financial strategies to survive the turmoil. For an early-stage company like his, one misstep could be fatal. Unfortunately, not all decisions were popular, and not all employees understood.

It’s normal to experience a range of unpleasant emotions when “confronted” online, including anger, frustration, resentment, hurt, and worry. But this is where mindfulness matters the most.

1. Beware of counterproductive actions

These powerful emotions may lead us into knee-jerk reactions, like writing an emotionally-charged response or going on a witch-hunt for the reviewer. Brian, too, wasn’t immune to these impulses when he received the negative Glassdoor review.

“It’s hard to admit, but for a brief moment, I felt the urge to respond with defensive comments like, ‘Why don’t you do my job If you think you know better?’”

Brian took a quick glance at me, as if he were gauging my reaction. Seeing no judgement on my face, he continued,

“And the petty side of me wanted to find out who was behind this, though logically I understand it won’t help the situation at all.” 

Others in the same boat may even mobilise employees to flood the company’s Glassdoor page with positive reviews. This move seems innocuous enough, but it has repercussions:

a) It puts employees in a spot and erodes their trust in the company
b) It makes employers appear “guilty”, compromising the company’s integrity
c) It conveys the message that the company prioritises its public image over the voices of its people.

Taking the above actions is no different from pouring gasoline on a fire. When employees feel cornered, they may air their resentment on public platforms including but not limited to Glassdoor, bringing us back to square one. This only escalates the situation further and harms the company’s reputation in the long term.

While experiencing emotions is a natural part of being human, it’s crucial to regulate emotions and maintain composure when addressing public reviews. Here are some emotion regulation skills to consider, and you can find more in the Intellect App.. 

• Deep breathing 
• Ground techniques
• Meditation exercise 
• Progressive muscle relaxation

Brian took a few deep breaths and said, “Well, of course I won’t really do any of those. But should we respond?”

My answer: Yes, but only after understanding the reviews.

2. Determine the appropriate responder

Ignoring negative online reviews can come across as dismissive and indifferent. However, the company should only respond when they have gathered sufficient information about the issues raised.

Often, in conversations, we rush into formulating our responses before we fully understand the other person, which can cause further misunderstandings. This “dialogue” on Glassdoor is no different. While it’s important to respond promptly and timely, responding without thorough investigations makes it difficult to address the situation adequately.

By appointing the right person to address the said review, the company shows that the message has been relayed to the relevant parties for problem-solving. But who should do it? This often hinges on the specific content of the reviews.

For instance, when the reviews concern company leadership and culture, it’s crucial for senior management to take the lead. In cases related to specific departments or teams, the respective department directors or team managers should step in. And when the focus shifts to matters involving employee benefits and personnel issues, it’s time for HR to become involved.

3. Craft a measured response

When replying a negative review, you will do well to offer:

a) Acknowledgement: Let the reviewer know that the feedback is well-received and taken seriously. This could sound like, “We hear you and have discussed the issues you raised in our weekly meeting.”

b) Empathy: Validate the reviewer’s negative experience, even if you know it’s a subjective one. Use statements like, “We understand this circumstance has caused you great distress.”

c) Recourse: Explore solutions especially if the reviewer is an existing employee. For example, if the criticism is aimed at the lack of support during onboarding, you may provide an update like, “We are considering offering an additional week of onboarding training in conjunction with a new mentorship program.” (Say this only if it is true, and be prepared to walk the talk.)

While you’re at it, refrain from:

Pointing fingers: Avoid shifting responsibilities to other departments, teams, individuals, or external factors like a recession. Taking ownership of the issue is key.

Using defensive language: Statements that start with “yes, but…” can appear dismissive, and may not help to resolve the concerns raised. 

4. Treat the root, not just the symptoms

Now we have clear guidelines on how to respond to these reviews, but the battle isn’t over.

We know this may be hard to hear, but the fact that employees feel compelled to seek attention on a public platform indicates the organisation’s shortcomings in providing an effective feedback system for its workforce. Posting public reviews can be seen as a form of protest against the absence of a safe space for open dialogue and a plea for organisational changes.

To address these issues on an organisational level, companies will have to cultivate psychological safety. By encouraging employees to share feedback directly, they may reduce the likelihood of employees resorting to public platforms.

a) Enable anonymity: What makes Glassdoor such an appealing platform is its promise of anonymity. While identifying specific individuals can help in targeted problem-solving, anonymity provides cautious employees with a safer space to provide candid feedback on sensitive subjects.

b) Pulse Surveys: Pulse surveys can be a valuable tool for identifying employees’ concerns and dissatisfaction at an early stage. Through these regular check-ins, companies gain insights into their employees’ perspectives, enabling them to nip issues in the bud before they escalate to Glassdoor.

c) Coaching: While organisations are responsible for cultivating a safe environment for employees to speak freely, employees can also benefit from learning effective communication skills. In Asian cultures, where social harmony is highly valued, people may tend to be more reserved and less outspoken, which can contribute to their difficulty expressing their opinions openly. Organisations can consider sessions focused on building assertive communication skills or understanding conflict management styles to help employees express themselves in culturally sensitive and effective manner.

Managing negative Glassdoor reviews effectively

It’s only natural for company leaders to feel perplexed by negative reviews, but the harsh words of employees past and present could also be an opportunity for self-reflection, growth, and transformation. Just as how businesses rely on customer feedback to refine their product, organisations, too, your employees’ input goes a long way in shaping your culture.

By regulating your emotions, responding thoughtfully, and addressing the issues effectively, you can help your organisation emerge from these challenges more resilient than ever. In the meantime, have compassion for yourself, practise self-care, and acknowledge that you and your company are and always will be a work-in-progress.

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